The Goodness and Challenge of Friendship
Reflections on Proverbs 27
We don’t need to be told that friendship is good—we know it deep down. A conversation with a friend can lift our spirits on the hardest of days. And yet, many of us are also feeling how rare and fragile true friendship can be.
Proverbs 27 paints a picture of friendship that is both beautiful and sobering. We hear about the sweetness of earnest counsel (v.9), the faithfulness of hard truth spoken in love (v.5-6), and the strength of sharpening one another (v.17). But we’re also reminded that friendship can wound us, challenge us, and expose our fears.
It seems that real friendship always involves both joy and risk.
The Goodness of Friendship
The writer of Proverbs tells us that genuine friends “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15-16) and show up when we need them most. A real friend isn’t just someone who makes us feel good, but someone who loves us enough to tell us the truth—even when it’s hard to hear. And they don’t just tell us the truth; they stay with us through it.
In other words: real friends speak truth and show up.
The Challenge of Friendship
If that sounds hard, it’s because it is. We live in what some researchers call a “friendship recession.” We’re making fewer friends, we’re busier than ever, and we’ve learned to protect ourselves from vulnerability.
Friendship requires reciprocity. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Friendship can’t just be one-sided. It takes mutual truth-telling, mutual presence, and mutual love. That means being willing not just to show up for others, but to let them show up for us.
And that’s scary. It feels like losing control.
The Healer of Friendship
This is where Jesus meets us. In Luke 10, when Martha anxiously busied herself with serving, Jesus invited her to simply sit and be with him, like her sister Mary. He told her, “You are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary” (vv.41-42).
Jesus doesn’t just tell us to try harder at friendship. He offers himself as the Friend—the one who will never leave us, who speaks truth and love, who shows up fully, even to the point of laying down his life (John 15:13).
At the cross, Jesus experienced the deepest loneliness and rejection so that we could know the fullness of his friendship. He is not just a useful or entertaining friend. He is the real friend—the good portion—who heals us.
Questions for Reflection
When has a friend’s honesty felt like both a wound and a gift to you?
Do you find it harder to show up for others or to let others show up for you? Why?
How does Jesus’ friendship free you to be vulnerable and present in your friendships?
What’s one step you can take this week to invest in a real friendship?
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