How to Disagree
In Romans 14 Paul is not writing about primary issues. He’s writing about secondary ideas with which many of us often disagree. He’s talking about matters of conscience. Specifically, he’s talking about food. He says, “One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him” (Romans 14:2-3). Some believe they can eat anything. They see no spiritual prohibition against eating meat. Others believe dietary restrictions are still in force. And what Paul is saying is that regardless of what you believe, in fact, the specifics don't really matter at all, there's a motivation that grows in our hearts to not welcome each other, but instead, despise and judge.
First, in v.3 Paul says the strong are tempted to despise the weak.
Those who live with more freedom often look down on those who live with more constriction. Specifically, the strong think the weak are legalistic. What's more, they view them as inferior Christians who have yet to ascend to the heights of their spiritual sophistication. Church, this is judgment. It's despisement. That's the caution. Paul says, Let not the one who eats despise. That same word is used of Herod's treatment of Jesus. “Herod with his soldiers treated [Jesus] with contempt and mocked him. Then, arraying him in splendid clothing, he sent him back to Pilate” (Luke 23:11). This is the opposite of welcoming. It's the opposite of drawing near those with whom we disagree. It's holding people at arms length, holding them in contempt. Refusing to be known or associated with someone.
Beneath the surface the strong are prone to see rules like springs. Take one or two or a few out, all is well. They're free. Ironically, what Paul is helping us see is that their freedom combined with despisement leads to a new bondage. When we are bitter toward our brothers and sisters for not being free like us, we are enslaved to comparison ... to competition ... to bitterness ... to despisement ... to contempt. We view them as simple, immature, and narrow-minded. We view ourselves as more wise and mature. The motivation behind judgment is superiority. In Rome the strong think they're better than the weak. And you can not truly love someone who you think you are better than.
Secondly, in v.3 Paul says the weak pass judgment on the strong.
Those who live with more limits than others are tempted to judge those who live with more freedom. While the strong think the weak are legalistic, the weak think the strong are lawless. Beneath the surface the weak are prone to see every rule and idea like bricks. Paul says, "Let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats ..." While the motivation for the strong is superiority, the motivation for the weak is fear. We are prone to follow rules with this type of zealousness because they provide us with moral assurance. And so we build robust walls of theology which are clear and strident and comprehensive in order to remain unstained by the world. Ironically, in seeking safety behind walls of rules we are morally exposed. When you treat everything like a brick, you invariably start throwing some.
This was Jesus' concern with the Pharisees in Matthew 23. He warned them, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!" (Matthew 23:23-24). They tithed everything. They were sure to do exactly what they thought the Bible taught them. They thought they were safe. But Jesus exposes them. Their moral diligence had led them to neglect love in the form of justice, mercy, and faithfulness. Fear tells us we are unsafe and rules protect us and that people who don't follow rules are dangerous. And so it leads the weak to pass judgment on the strong.
What do we disagree about?
Again, in Paul's day the sources of despisement and judgment was about food and the law. But, what about us? What causes the strong in our day to despise the weak? What causes the weak today to judge the strong? What do we disagree about?
I’m sure we could all make some pretty long lists. Within the Church family there's wonderful diversity of thought and expression. Perhaps not all of our divergent thoughts would fall within the exact category Paul is describing. But I do know anything we disagree about can lead to despisement and judgement. With that said, what do we often disagree about today?
We disagree about abortion. While some believe the Scriptures teach the sanctity of life should lead all Christians to advocate for the eradication of abortion, others see the whole-life vulnerabilities of women and children and therefore abortion as health care provision.
We disagree about gender identity. While some of us see gender as a binary concept and marriage as a covenant between a man and women in the Bible, others see space for fluidity, complexity, and personal dignity within human sexuality.
We disagree about sexual orientation. For some of us we open the Bible and believe that marriage and sex are reserved for one man and one woman, while others of us open to the same passages and conclude that God's love makes space for same-sex sex and marriage.
We disagree about wealth distribution. Some of us think wealth is a blessing from the Lord to be enjoyed and distributed in generous ways, others think wealth corrupts and marginalizes the poor.
We disagree about parenting. While some of us spank our kids and keep strict bedtimes and never let our kids eat carbs on week days, others of us refuse to discipline our children physically and have much more open discussion with them about things like sex and family history.
We disagree about women in church leadership. Some of us believe that the Bible teaches that only qualified men ought to serve in the role of elder, others of us open our Bibles and see space for qualified women in that role.
We disagree about racial harmony. Within our church we believe Christians should be vocal and active advocate for the racial marginalized, while others of us are more convinced the Word of God speak gospel truths but refrains from such overt social and racial applications.
There ought to be time and space to consider, open our Bibles, and discuss these things together. And as a church organization we've done our best to think deeply about these and other issues, and in good faith set doctrine and policies which demonstrate God’s goodness, beauty, and truth. To be sure, the church in Rome had to make similar decisions as they started new churches. But notice, Paul does not answer every question in this passage. He doesn't say, here's who's right and here's who's wrong. He says, don't despise and don't judge. Welcome each other. Love those with whom you disagree. Brothers and sisters, can you image? Can you image if we became a people whose primary goal was to show love rather than show we were right? Can you image if we desired to welcome more than we desired to argue and feel superior?
I think this is where God's Word guides us. This one of the primary reasons we've elected in our membership process to ask members to affirm (or agree with) primary doctrines and only acknowledge secondary doctrines. However, documents and position papers don’t give us the necessary power to live with this type of love. We'll be empowered to do this only when we remember that we have not be despised or judged. Rather, God in Christ has welcomed us by grace.
*Adapted from the sermon, Don't Pass Judgment (Romans 14:1-4) - Part 1