Praying Through Disappointment
"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply." (Matthew 6:7-9a, MSG)
Prayer is where pretense dies. When we go to God, we're going to the one who knows what we need before we speak. Not only that—he knows the heart-level desire underneath the need. God knows us so well that he knows what we're really asking even when we don't.
And yet, we're still prone to putting on a show when we pray. Have you noticed? It's really easy to get caught up in what we’re praying about and forget who we are praying to. In my experience, this comes from a deep disappointment. We don't pray with the intention of hiding, but, as Eugene Peterson puts it, we "fall for ... nonsense" and resort to formulas, programs, and techniques.
Perhaps you don't like the way your life is going. Or maybe you love the way things are going, but it doesn't feel like you thought it would. Perhaps life in the city is exciting but not fulfilling. In any case, when we stop long enough to pray, we’ve learned to avoid exploiting that gut-level feeling through flowery or distancing language. We pray with big words but little hearts. We pray for his kingdom to come throughout the world, but hesitate to invite his mercy to ease our own souls. After all, if we're honest and open, God may show us something we're not ready to face.
One thing we often feel ill-equipped to engage is our disappointment. Again, Peterson says, "It is easy to be honest before God with our hallelujahs; it is somewhat more difficult to be honest in our hurts; it is nearly impossible to be honest before God in the dark emotions of our hate... We must pray who we actually are, not who we think we should be... The way of prayer is not to cover our unlovely emotions so that they will appear respectable, but expose them so that they can be enlisted in the work of the kingdom." So, what do we do? How do we pray when prayer itself has become a performance, and address our disappointment with God?
The Psalms offer wonderful guidance …
First, name the disappointment you see. When David is worried that the Lord has forgotten him, he says it. "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?" (Psalm 13:1). For many of us, this may seem like a lack of faith. However, uncertainty and doubt are not enemies of belief. When we name our disappointment, we're actually exhibiting a deep trust that God will not reject us when we admit our need to him.
Second, ask God to show you the disappointment you can’t see. Some disappointments are hidden from us, but that doesn't mean they aren't affecting us (and others). And the Lord sees it all and can meet us in every angst. And so we can ask him, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts" (Psalm 139:23).
Finally, preach the gospel to yourself. In Psalm 42, the writer does just that. And since it's a song, it's also an instruction for God’s people to do the same. The psalmist says, "Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” Notice, he names the disappointment. But then, he speaks truth and love to his own soul. "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
Disappointment is hard. But it doesn’t have to rule us. Through prayer, we don’t have to hide or perform. We can name our disappointment, expose it, and ask the Lord to heal us in Jesus’ name.
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Written by Jason C. Helveston, Elder for Teaching and Vision
Eugene H. Peterson, The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2002), Matthew 6:7-9.
The phrase "fall for ... nonsense" is Peterson's own rendering in The Message, Matthew 6:7-8.
Eugene H. Peterson, Answering God: The Psalms as Tools for Prayer (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989), 100.
Psalm 13:1 (ESV).
Psalm 139:23 (NIV).
Psalm 42:5, 11 (ESV); see also Psalm 43:5, where the refrain is repeated.
